


These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For

by fiddleyoumust



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Drinking Games, F/M, M/M, Multi, Pegging, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiddleyoumust/pseuds/fiddleyoumust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keltie suggests a threesome and gets what she wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For

They get high, and then they get drunk which is all par for the course.

Jon says, "Hey, let's play that game!"

"Oh yeah, _that_ game," Spencer says in that catty way he has, but he smiles, and Jon smiles, and Brendon wants to roll his eyes.

Keltie says, "I _love_ that game," and Brendon loves Keltie, but enough is actually fucking enough.

"What game?" he asks and Ryan turns and blinks at him and says, "Are you incredibly stoned right now?"

Well, _duh_.

 

Jon starts passing beers around, and Brendon's almost positive this is a completely lightweight game of Never Have I Ever, because some kind of shot is definitely protocol, but whatever. There is Corona, and Spencer even bought him limes, so Brendon is not going to call any of these fuckers out, even if they're total pussies. Plus, Jon is drinking Blue Moon with _orange_ slices, so if Brendon is a sissy for drinking Corona, he doesn't even know what that makes Jon.

"Never have I ever made out with a girl," Keltie says, and all four of the guys in the circle roll their eyes and take a swig from their beer bottles.

Spencer notices that Keltie isn't drinking, and he points an accusing finger across the circle. "Liar! You and Haley made out last Christmas during a game of Spin the Bottle," Spencer says.

Ryan nods enthusiastically. "I remember that! I remember that very, very well."

Spencer makes a bitch face and punches Ryan's shoulder hard. "That's my girlfriend, dude."

Ryan just shrugs and says, "Whatever. It was your girlfriend who was making out with _my_ girlfriend. Plus, it was hot."

Jon says, "Neither of them are my girlfriend and I remember it, too. It _was_ hot."

 _Ryan and Spencer both glare. Jon shrugs as Keltie says, "Oh yeah. Whoops," and takes a swig of her beer._

 _"Never have I ever worn girl's underwear," Jon says proudly. Keltie and Brendon both drink and Ryan laughs and points._

 _"That explains so much about you," Spencer says._

 _"Fuck you," Brendon says. "I had an older sister. She was cruel."_

 _Brendon frowns and Keltie says, "Aw, baby. I think it's kind of hot." She leans over and kisses Brendon's cheek. Brendon feels a little bit better, especially after he sees the bitchy look Ryan shoots him._

 _"Never have I ever made out with my boss," Spencer says._

 _Ryan says, "Oh, you motherfucker."_

 _Jon says, "Wait, before or after he signed me?"_

 _"What?" Spencer asks._

 _"Before or after? ... Because he wasn't my boss then, but he is now, and..." Jon trails off when he realizes everyone is staring at him. "What?"_

 _"You and Pete?" Ryan asks disbelievingly._

 _Jon shrugs and says, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever played this game where the majority of the players _haven't_ made out with Pete."_

"Good point," Ryan says, and he and Jon both drink.

 

"Never have I ever made out with my best friend," Brendon says.

Spencer and Ryan smile at each other and take a swig. Jon takes a quick swig too, and when Brendon raises his eyebrow, Jon says, "What? Tom's an excellent kisser."

Keltie says, "Fuck it. Ryan's my best friend now," and she takes a drink too.

"You're in the minority on that one, Bren," Spencer says.

"Maybe it's because I don't have an exclusive bff," Brendon says. "I love all you assholes equally."

Jon says, "Aw, Brendon. You're making tear up here, dude," and then he leans over and plants a firm kiss on Brendon's lips.

Brendon goes rigid as Jon's tongue licks along the seam of his mouth, but he just opens up anyway and lets Jon go exploring to his little heart's content. After half a minute, he finally relaxes and kisses back.

"There," Jon says pulling away before he leans back in and kisses Brendon quickly, one more time. "Next time you can drink."

Brendon blinks a few times and then takes a swig of his beer. Keltie smirks at him and waggles her eyebrows a few times.

"Retroactive drinking, Urie," she says. "I like it."

Brendon takes another drink.

 

Spencer yawns and says, "I'm going home."

"Loser," Brendon says.

Spencer flips him off and gets up and stretches.

Jon says, "Yeah, I think I am too."

"You guys both suck," Brendon says. He's not tired at all, and he knows if Spencer and Jon leave Ryan and Keltie will probably go off somewhere and make out or something.

"I'm still up for playing," Keltie says. Ryan looks over with a somewhat shocked expression, and the two of them have some kind of creepy silent conversation that ends when Ryan gives Brendon an assessing look, and then shrugs his shoulders and nods.

Jon and Spencer shuffle out, and then Keltie turns to Brendon with a predatory look in her eyes and says, "Never have I ever fucked a guy."

Brendon isn't sure what's going on here, but it's not like his entire band hasn't talked about the fact that they're all a little bit gay. He and Jon just made out not even an hour ago in front of the entire room, so Brendon just shrugs and drinks. Ryan drinks too.

"Wait a minute," Brendon says wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. "You're saying you've never fucked Ryan?"

Keltie says, "I'm aware that despite my lack of a dick, I am perfectly capable of fucking a guy. It's just not the kind of fucking I meant."

Brendon nods and then looks up from his beer bottle and says, "Wait, what?"

Ryan has absolutely no patience for things once he's ready to do them so he says, "Keltie wants you to let her fuck you, Brendon. Buy a clue."

"I... What?" Brendon says helpfully.

Keltie says, "Let's play another game," and she puts her empty beer bottle on the floor and spins it around. When it slows down, she sets her index finger on top of it and stops it when it points at Brendon. "Oops," she says before she crawls across the floor and into Brendon's lap.

Keltie's mouth is soft and her tongue is hot and she's small and firm, and has these amazing thighs that she's currently using to squeeze Brendon's sides. It's all really nice, if not a little shocking. Also, Ryan is _right there_ making him nervous, and this is kind of a fucked up situation.

Keltie pulls her mouth away, and she takes Brendon's bottom lip between her teeth as she goes. Brendon makes a really undignified noise and Keltie says, "Kiss me back, Bren. I'll make it worth your while."

When she leans back in, Brendon kisses her back.

 

Brendon is vaguely aware that Ryan gets up at some point and disappears. Keltie is down to her underwear and has gotten Brendon's shirt off by the time he comes back. Brendon has no idea how this even happened, but he can't really find any reason to complain, especially not when Keltie leans down and bites his nipple playfully.

"Hi," Keltie says and it takes Brendon a few seconds before he realizes she's not talking to him.

Brendon looks up stupidly, his expression a little dazed and sees Ryan standing by the side of the couch watching them. "Aren't we pretty?" Keltie asks.

Ryan nods and smiles and _looks at them_ \-- not just at Keltie, at them -- and Brendon feels exposed and completely naked despite the fact that he's still wearing his pants. "What are we even doing?" he asks.

Keltie turns her attention back to Brendon and she smiles, kisses his mouth, his cheek, his jaw. "I'm going to fuck you," she whispers low in his ear. She pulls back and kisses him again, then continues on like the two of them are having an any-old-every-day conversation. "I bought this pink strap-on. It's adorable and it _vibrates_ , Bren. I've been dying to try it out."

Brendon swallows hard and says, "But, why not with Ryan?"

Ryan says, "Oh, hell no," really fiercely, like he's already had this conversation.

Keltie smiles and says, "Oh, hell yes. You're going to help me convince him, though. You want to help, don't you?"

Brendon's pretty sure he doesn't, but Keltie is in his lap, grinding down and licking distractingly at his neck, and Brendon somehow finds himself nodding yes.

 

They go to the bedroom and Keltie undoes Brendon's belt with steady hands. Her knuckles skim the hard line of his cock as she works his zipper down, and he buries his face in Keltie's neck and kisses the smooth skin there.

Ryan comes up behind Keltie and lays a kiss on the other side of her neck, and it's so sweet, so intimate, that Brendon suddenly feels like he shouldn't be here. He feels like he shouldn't be seeing this.

"You're not going to hate me tomorrow, are you?" he asks.

Ryan raises an eyebrow and says, "I think that's my line."

Brendon's breath whooshes out, relieved, and then Ryan shifts to the other side of Keltie's body. He lifts Brendon's chin up with his fingers and kisses him.

Keltie works Brendon's pants down over his ass, and then turns her head and kisses the place where Ryan's mouth is joined with Brendon's. Ryan breaks the kiss and turns Keltie's head so the two of them can kiss in earnest, and Brendon takes the opportunity to kick his pants off the rest of the way while the two of them are distracted.

He's not sure what he should do next, so he just stands awkwardly, and watches Ryan and Keltie kiss awkwardly over Keltie's shoulder. It's not the hardest thing he's ever had to do in his life, and it becomes decidedly less hard when Ryan slides his fingers between his chest and Keltie's back and unhooks her bra.

Keltie breaks their kiss and says, "Go get on the bed, baby." Brendon's not sure who she's talking to until Ryan leans in and kisses her hard one more time before he walks to the bed, pulling his clothes off as he goes.

Keltie makes her way over to the dresser set against the far wall and grabs a bottle of lube and what is indeed a pink strap on. Brendon swallows hard.

"How do you feel about blowjobs?" Keltie asks apropos of nothing.

Brendon blinks and chokes out, "Um... I enjoy them?"

Keltie smiles and says, "Giving or receiving?" as she straps the dildo on over her thin, lace panties.

Brendon still isn't sure how the fuck he got here, or if he wants to run or stay here forever, so he's sounds a little unsure when he says, "Both?"

"Good," Keltie says. "Come on over here and prove it to me then."

 

Brendon actually does enjoy blowjobs, both giving and receiving, but he's not so sure he likes the way the strap on tastes. It's weird to put his mouth around something that is shaped like a cock, but feels and tastes completely wrong.

It turns out it doesn't matter much, since Keltie gets right down to business, shoving the dildo into Brendon's mouth until it hits the back of his throat. Brendon swallows around the head, and then Keltie pulls out and says, "Well, that answers that question. Get on the bed, hands and knees and facing Ryan."

Brendon looks at Ryan, and Ryan is watching them both intently, his hand loosely curled around his cock. His eyes are really black, his pupils almost completely dilated, and his breathing is already labored and erratic.

Brendon swallows hard once and crawls up the bed until he's close enough to lean in and kiss Ryan's mouth. Ryan is the one who leans forward, suddenly, and then they're kissing, tongues sliding together. Ryan lets go of his dick so that he can slide his his fingers into Brendon's hair and turn Brendon's head, change the angle of the kiss. Brendon moans pathetically, and when they break apart, they're both panting against each other's lips.

"You two are so fucking hot," Keltie says. Brendon can hear Keltie opening the bottle of lube behind him, and yet it's still a shock when she says, "How many to start?"

Brendon shivers, and then calms when Ryan kisses him again, running one of his hands up Brendon's side soothingly. "Start with one," Ryan says for him, and Brendon's glad because even if he could speak before, he really, really can't once he feels Keltie press one slick finger into his ass.

She works it in to the second knuckle, and then crooks her finger down until she has Brendon moaning against Ryan's lips. Ryan says, "Two now, and once he's stretched, three. Three is enough, right Bren?"

Brendon nods frantically, his fingers digging into Ryan's thighs as Keltie slides her finger out and goes back in with two. Ryan continues to soothe him with lips and fingers, alternating between kisses to his mouth and the smooth slide of his fingers along Brendon's ribs and spine.

When Keltie twists in a third finger, Brendon whimpers against Ryan's mouth. "Shh," Ryan says as he cranes his head to see what Keltie is doing. "You ready?" Ryan asks, and Brendon buries his head in Ryan's shoulder and nods.

"Are we ready?" Keltie asks, twisting her fingers again as she pulls them free.

Ryan nods, and then Keltie's small hands press on the inside of his thighs. He takes the hint and spreads his legs wider.

"Scoot back a little," Keltie says and Brendon does it even though it will take him further away from Ryan's mouth, and he really wants to be close to Ryan's mouth. Ryan's mouth is surprisingly soft and warm and apparently very good at kissing.

Once he's moved down the bed, he can feel Keltie positioning herself behind him. Ryan's hands slide back into his hair, adding light pressure until Brendon's head is moving down Ryan's torso toward his cock and, _oh_. Sometimes Brendon is slow on the uptake, but he's definitely down for this. He tilts his head up, and looks at Ryan through his lashes, and flicks his tongue out to tongue along Ryan's ribs and stomach on his way down to Ryan's cock.

Ryan groans and squeezes his eyes shut. Brendon momentarily forgets what he's doing when Keltie says, "Everybody hang on," and presses forward, sinking the dildo slowly into Brendon's body. Brendon moans, and bites down on the side of Ryan's stomach; causing Ryan to hiss and tighten his fingers in Brendon's hair.

"Fuck," Ryan says, breathless.

"Fuck yeah," Keltie says and Brendon's wishes he could turn his head around to see her smiling. Keltie works her hips, and Brendon keeps his teeth in Ryan's skin, anchoring himself to the bed since his entire body feels like it wants to explode into a billion tiny pieces.

Once she's settled, hips against Brendon's ass, she bend herself all the way over, her breasts resting against Brendon's back, and Brendon can feel Ryan lean forward. He knows they’re kissing. He can imagine the way it looks. Keltie seated inside Brendon. Brendon's mouth on Ryan's skin, and Ryan's mouth on Keltie's . Brendon bites down harder on Ryan's stomach to keep himself from coming, and Ryan moans against Keltie's lips.

Brendon lets go, quickly licks the indentations his teeth have made before he moves down to Ryan's cock. Moving makes him push back into Keltie, causing the dildo to move in new and interesting ways, which makes Brendon whimper right before he takes Ryan's cock into his mouth.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Ryan says and his hips buck up, the head of his cock bumping the back of Brendon's mouth, making him gag.

Keltie starts fucking him in earnest. Brendon figures she must be done trying to kiss Ryan for the moment, so Brendon takes the opportunity to really focus on Ryan's cock. Brendon moves his hands up until they're resting on Ryan's hips, and waits until he feels Ryan thrust up again. This time, he opens his throat up and swallows around the head.

It's an awkward angle, with Keltie fucking him so hard that his knees are sliding a little on the bedspread. Ryan is pretty much just thrusting up into Brendon's mouth. Brendon is good at this, though, so he hums around Ryan's cock and sucks hard on the head every time Ryan pulls back. He swallows whenever Ryan pushes forward again, the head of his cock nudging the back of Brendon's throat.

Keltie keeps pressing in hard and then pivoting her hips when they're flush against Brendon's ass. Brendon knows she's using the motion to stimulate her clit, and it feels so fucking good all he can do his moan, sloppy and wet around Ryan's cock. She keeps it up, short little thrusts followed by a circular rotation of her hips and he thinks _fuck yes_ because everything is amazing, and it's so, so good.

"You okay?" Keltie says running her hand down Brendon's spine, and Brendon shivers and moans. Keltie says, "Good," and then Brendon nearly blacks out when Keltie reaches between them and turns the vibrator _on_.

Brendon pulls off Ryan's cock, shaking and heaving, and says, "Fuck, fuck, fuck," and then Keltie reaches around and takes Brendon's cock in her hand. Brendon is so done after that. He comes hard and messy into Keltie's fist, and slumps forward, boneless and sated, to mouth at Ryan's cock again. He really wants to get Ryan off, but he doesn't have the mental capacity to do much more than flick his tongue out over the head occasionally.

He feels Keltie stiffen and then shake behind him, and she says, "Oh, fuck. Oh, Ryan," as she grinds her way through her own orgasm. Brendon's really kind of sensitive now, and the vibrations from the strap on are getting to be a little too much. Brendon makes a really undignified whimper of gratitude when Keltie pulls out and flops onto the bed.

Brendon falls over onto Ryan's other side and takes in deep, shaky breaths until he can feel his heartbeat slowing.

Eventually Ryan says, "Um, guys?"

Brendon cracks an eye open -- sees Keltie do the same -- before he turns and looks at Ryan. Ryan's still hard, his cock curved against his belly and flushed red. He gives Brendon the most pathetic look Brendon's ever seen, before he turns the same look on Keltie.

Keltie says, "Oh, poor baby. Brendon and I can help you out with that."

Brendon was afraid he wasn't ever going to get hard again in this lifetime after coming so hard, and he doesn't know whether to be relieved or terrified when he feels himself trying to rally back to hardness again. He finally decides to just roll with it, and he follows Keltie up the bed and watches as she takes Ryan's cock into her mouth.

She works her mouth on Ryan's cock, bobbing her head a few times before she pulls off with a slick sound and moves her head so Brendon can move in. Brendon follows the rhythm she set, and they take turns deep throating Ryan. He keeps one of his hands twisted in each of their hair, but Brendon doesn't really mind. It's not very much longer before Ryan says, "Oh holy fuck," and comes in Brendon's mouth. Ryan's hand keeps Brendon from pulling back, and he can't possibly swallow all of Ryan's come, so some of it slips out the corner of his mouth.

When Ryan's fingers relax, Brendon pulls off. He goes to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, but Keltie stops him. She leans in instead, and licks along Brendon's lips until she's kissing the taste of Ryan out of his mouth.

They both curl in against Ryan afterward, and Ryan pets them both, running his hands through their hair. Eventually Keltie says, "I was thinking we could try fisting later."

Brendon swallows hard, and sends up a small prayer of thanks that Keltie's hands are small.

"I can't stop thinking about Ryan's fingers sliding into--"

"Keltie!" Ryan interrupts, a warning.

Brendon says, "Wait...what?" and Ryan sighs, smoothes a hand down Brendon's neck.

"Just sleep, Bren. We'll talk about it tomorrow," Keltie says

Brendon's tired and sated and comfortably warm against Ryan's side, and really? Keltie's other idea for this evening wasn't half bad, so Brendon closes his eyes and sleeps.


End file.
